Waiheke Trip

I am not ashamed to admit it, I had not been to a gallery probably for months .. A wee visit to the Waiheke Community Art Gallery was however pleasant -- to say the least. I was surprised at the density of population on the island and just how visible the art is, and the gallery just made me feel quite comfortable.. though nothing outstandingly memorable, at least it doesn't leave you with disgust like most of the others.

Stephen De Pledge

this is not going to be a long post, i just thought it'd be good update.. first piece of news, i'm again 'taking a break' from art - LOL - and just came back from this cmnz concert, was really good.
i thought of the death of a family member over Ros Harris' landscape piece.
and the effects of repetition that works the same in music and in visual arts.
but still unpredictable.

belongingness

tempted, quand tu penses à moi

it's got nothing to do with me, so foking leave it.

Two technologies have transformed the way humans communicate.
One is the toilet, which whisks excrement away from the body of its maker before it can be transformed into a sign; the second is movable type, which reifies the disconnect between body and sign.

- Sharpe, Matthew. "Paul Chan's Alternumerics" Art on Paper Jul/Aug 2007: 28

Just something I read today, thought it was kinda interesting. I love my dog.

this life

on a parti dix ans de merde
sans pouvoir border la terre
au bout de la onzième année
on a monqué de provisions

buried in your lies i see through your smiles and swear that i will never never waste another drop of tear for someone so disrespectful to what i had given and shared all is fair in love and war all is fair when i agree to play thus all is fair when i say you fucking disgrace only by making a fool of myself i redeem my consciousness and i burst

holy crap i knew it was you!!

曾經　愛得很深
也曾經玩得很瘋
但我　　活地像屎
因為　總跟　該玩的人愛
跟該愛的人　　玩.

什麼讓我快樂?
　　　　　　你問我.
既然這麼　堅持藝術　為什麼　不　　放手一擲?
因為　傳統如我
明明知道　相夫教子　　讓我　　滿　足
卻　固執　如我
　　困難的路才是　成功的路.

走不下去
心死的我
走
不
下
去.

1. conforming to the recognized standard of propriety, good taste, modesty, etc., as in behavior or speech.
2. respectable; worthy.
3. adequate; fair; passable.
4. kind; obliging; generous.
5. suitable; appropriate.
6. of fairly attractive appearance.
7. Informal. wearing enough clothing to appear in public.
8. Slang. great; wonderful.

disguised. I laugh at the comment and say nothing.

you disgust me i scream in my dreams i wish i had the guts to tell you and leave in a fiery storm perplexed you may be but praises surround you soon i would be forgotten as if i had never been here never made any impact why are you upset you often ask if you've never seen me happy it simply means i'm not happy when you're around i complain so i can remember why i am still trapped with you one of us has to die one of us has to die

黃筱惠 HUANG Hsiao-Hui

五帝
wǔ dì
[the Five Emperors] 傳說中的五個古代帝王。通常指黄帝、颛顼(ZhuānXū)、帝喾( Dìkù)、唐尧、虞舜

黃 HUANG
ㄏㄨㄤˊ / 國語 (漢語拼音) huáng / 廣州話 (粵拼) wong4
筆劃數: 12；
部首：黄；
◎ 像金子或向日葵花的颜色：黄色(colour yellow)。黄昏(dusk)。牛黄(cattle yellow)。黄澄澄(clear, transparent yellow)。信口雌黄(to speak of non-sense)。
◎ 特指中国黄河(Huang/Yellow River)：黄曆(Huang calendar) 。治黄(to treat Huang River floods)。黄泛区(area where Huang River floods)。
◎ 指“黄帝(Emperor Huang) ”（即“轩辕氏”，传说中原始社会部落联盟首领）：黄老（黄帝和老子, Emperor Huang and Lao-zi）。炎黄子孙(the Chinese race)。
◎ 事情失败或计划不能实现(failing of plans)：事情黄了。
◎ 姓(surname)。

【亥集下】【黃字部】 黃
〔古文〕 【唐韻】乎光切【集韻】【韻會】【正韻】胡光切，音皇。【說文】地之色也(earth colour)。【玉篇】中央色也。(colour of jades)
【易·坤卦】黃裳元吉。象曰：黃裳元吉，文在中也。(divinatory symbol)
【文言】君子黃中通理。　(proper, decent)
又【史記·天官書】日月五星所行之道曰黃道。　(orbit)
又山名。【前漢·東方朔傳】北至池陽，西至黃山。　(name of mountain, Mount Huang)
又黃河。【爾雅·釋水】河出崑崙虛，色白，所渠幷千七百，一川色黃。　(name of river, Huang River)
又地名。【春秋·哀十四年】公會晉侯及吳子于黃池。【註】陳留封丘縣南有黃亭。　(name of place)
又國名。【左傳·桓八年】楚子合諸侯于沈鹿，黃隨不會。【註】黃國，今弋陽縣。　(name of country)
又州名。古邾國，漢西陵縣，隋黃州。　(name of county)
又縣名。【前漢·地理志】黃縣屬東萊郡，內黃屬魏郡，外黃屬 留郡。【註】縣有黃溝澤，故名。師古曰：惠公敗宋師于黃，杜預以爲外黃縣東有黃城，卽此地。　(name of city)
又中黃，天子內藏。【後漢·桓帝紀】建和元年，芝生於黃藏府。　(offspring of emperor)
又官名。【杜氏通典】乗黃令，晉官，主乗輿金根車。【又】晉以后，給事黃門侍郞，散騎常侍，俱屬門下省，稱曰黃散。　(title of government official)
又老人曰黃髮。【禮·曲禮】君子式黃髮。【疏】人初老則髮白，太老則髮黃。【爾雅·釋詁】黃髮齯齒鮐背耈老，壽也。【疏】壽考之通稱。　(the elder)
又小兒曰黃口。【淮南子·汜論訓】古之伐國，不殺黃口。【高誘註】黃口，幼也。【唐開元志】凡男女始生爲黃，四歲爲小，十六爲丁，六十爲老。每歲一造計帖，三年一造戸籍，卽今之黃冊也。　(the young)
又翠黃，飛黃，馬名。【淮南子·覽冥訓】靑龍進駕，飛黃伏皁。【詩·魯頌】有驪有黃。【註】黃騂曰黃。　(name of horse)
又鵹黃，鳥名。【爾雅·釋鳥倉庚註】卽鵹黃也。　又黃目，卣罍類。【禮·郊特牲】黃目，鬱氣之上尊也。黃者，中也。目者，氣之淸明者也。　(name of bird)
又大黃，弩名。【太公·六韜】陷堅敗强敵，用大黃連弩。【史記·李廣傳】以大黃射其裨將。　(name of crossbow)
又大黃，地黃，硫黃，雄黃，雌黃，藥名。　(name of medicine)
又流黃，綵也。【古詩】少婦織流黃。【廣雅】作留黃。　(silk festoon)
又會稽竹簟供御，亦號流黃。【唐詩】珍簟冷流黃。　(bamboo mat)
又【正字通】貼黃，卽古引黃。唐制，詔勑有更改，以紙貼黃，其表章略舉事目，見於前封皮者，謂之引黃。后世卽以引黃爲貼黃，不用黃紙。　(a method used to catch the attention of the reader)
又倉黃，急遽失措貌。【風土記】大雪被南越，犬皆倉黃吠噬。　(.. gone crazy, lost it)
又【玉篇】馬病色也。【爾雅·釋詁】虺隤，黃病也。【註】皆人病之通名，而說者便以爲馬病。【詩·周南】我馬虺隤。 (to appear sick)

考證：〔【前漢·東方朔傳】北至河陽〕　謹照原文河陽改池陽。〔【禮·曲禮】君子敬黃髮。〕　謹照原文敬黃髮改式黃髮。〔【淮南子·覽冥訓】靑龍迎駕〕　謹照原文迎駕改進駕。



yel·low
/ˈyɛloʊ/ [yel-oh]

–noun

1. The hue of that portion of the visible spectrum lying between orange and green, evoked in the human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 570 to 590 nanometers; any of a group of colors of a hue resembling that of ripe lemons and varying in lightness and saturation; one of the subtractive primaries; one of the psychological primary hues. (黃色, 黃)
   A pigment or dye having this hue.
   Something that has this hue.
2. Chiefly Southern U.S. The yolk of an egg. (蛋黃)
   
3. Western U.S. Gold. Used formerly by prospectors. (黃金)
   
4. yellows Any of various plant diseases usually caused by fungi of the genus Fusarium or viruses of the genus Chlorogenus and characterized by yellow or yellowish discoloration. (黃化)
   

–adjective

1. of the color yellow. (黃的, 黃色的)
   
2. Often Offensive. (黃色...)
   designating or pertaining to an Oriental person or Oriental peoples. (香蕉雞蛋)
   designating or pertaining to a person of mixed racial origin, esp. of black and white heritage, whose skin is yellowish or yellowish brown. (黃寶寶)
   
3. having a sallow or yellowish complexion. (黃膚)
   
4. Informal. cowardly.
   
5. (of journalism, a newspaper, etc.)
   a. sensational, esp. morbidly or offensively so: That yellow rag carried all the gory details.
   b. dishonest in editorial comment and the presentation of news, esp. in sacrificing truth for sensationalism: Objective reporting isn't always a match for yellow journalism.
6. jealous; envious.
   

–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)

1. to make or become yellow:
   Yellow the sheets with dye. The white stationery had yellowed with age.

筱
ㄒㄧㄠˇ / hsiǎo / xiǎo
筱,箭属,小竹也。——《说文》
dwarf bamboo; ="little", diminutive in person's name

惠
ㄏㄨㄟˋ / huì

1. 恩(favour, kindness)，好處(benefit)：
   恩惠。惠澤。惠和。惠爱。惠握（恩惠深厚）。仁惠。實惠。施惠于人。
2. 给人財物或好處 (confer kindness)：
   惠政。互惠互利。惠及远人。惠而不費（给人好處自己又没有什麼耗費；常用以形容有實利而不多費錢財）。
3. 敬辭，用於對方對待自己的行動：
   惠贈。惠臨。惠願。惠存。惠允。
4. 古同“慧”，聰明。
5. 姓。
6. 又如:惠声(仁爱而有德泽的美名);惠育(用仁心爱德加以养育);惠化(仁爱的教化);惠心(仁慈的心)
7. 柔顺;顺从 (mild)
8. 又如:惠音(和谐的乐音;对他人书信的尊称);惠气(和顺之气);惠来(招抚使之归顺)
9. 又如:惠悟(聪敏);惠美(聪明美丽);惠丽(聪明美丽);惠黠(聪慧)
10. 美好 (fine)。如:惠色(秀美的颜色,色彩);惠问(美好的称誉);惠声(美誉)
11. 敬词 (your)。如:惠然肯来(函柬用语。表示欢迎光临);惠邮(称人邮寄来件的敬词);惠书(称对方来信的敬词);惠赐(称人所赠的敬词)
12. 又如:惠渥(深厚的恩泽);惠义(恩义);惠润(恩泽)
13. 恩爱;宠爱(conjugal love)
14. 古兵器名。三棱矛 (three-edges spear)
15. 惠赠;给予好处 [give]
16. 又如:惠贶(提到人家馈赠的客气说法);惠鲜(施恩惠给贫困的人);惠而不费(加恩惠给人,而无所浪费损失)
17. 付账;付款 [pay]。如:惠钞(付钱);惠而不费(不用花费钱财,就能得到好处)

惠,仁也。——《说文》
爱民好与曰惠。柔质慈民曰惠。——《周书·谥法》
分人以财谓之惠。——《孟子》
心省恤人谓之惠。——《贾子道术》
孙讨虏聪明仁惠。——《资治通鉴》
夫慈者不忍,而惠者好与也。——《韩非子·内储说上》
其养民也惠。——《论语·公冶长》
彭有守多惠政。—— 明· 高启《书博鸡者事》
义征不惠。——《史记·司马相如传》
荆南怀惠。——《魏都赋》
巧文辩惠则贤。——《国语·晋语九》
先言而后当者,惠也。——《晏子春秋·外篇》
惠者知其不可两守,乃取一焉。——《管子·宙合》
甚矣,汝之不惠。——《列子·汤问》
观君所言,将不早惠乎。——《后汉书·孔融传》
曲眉丰颊,清声而便体,秀外而惠中。——唐· 韩愈《送李愿归盘谷序》

小惠未徧。——《左传·庄公十年》
大王加惠。——《战国策·魏策》
君之惠。——《左传·僖公三十二年》
从君惠而免之。
今缓刑罚,行宽惠,是利奸邪而害善人也。——《韩非子·难二》
小人怀惠。——《论语》。苞注:“恩也。”
惠而好我,携手同归。——《诗·邶风·北风》
二人雀弁,执惠,立于毕命之内。——《书·顾命》

君必惠民而己。——《韩非子·外储说右上》

◎ 惠风 huìfēng
[breeze] 柔和的风,比喻仁爱
惠风和畅

◎ 惠更斯 Huìgēngsī
[Huygens] (1629—1695) 荷兰数学家、天文学家、物理学家。光波动论的创立者。著作有《时钟》、《摆动的时钟》、《重力起因演讲录》、《论光》等

◎ 惠顾 huìgù
[your patronage] 光临;惠临——多用于商店对顾客
若惠顾前好,缴福于厉、 宣、 桓、 武,不泯其社稷。——《左传·宣公十二年》

◎ 惠济 Huìjì
[Huiji Temple] 寺庙名。取“施恩于民,普渡众生”义
额曰“惠济”。——宋· 陆游《过小孤山大孤山》

◎ 惠勒-费曼理论 Huìlè-Fèimàn Lǐlùn
[Wheeler-Feynman theory] 一种相对论性的超距作用理论,其中假定宇宙中有足够的吸收体,它是作为带电粒子发出的所有作用的收缩点,辐射阻尼就是这个理论的一个结论

◎ 惠临 huìlín
[your gracious presence] 光临,对迎接人到来的敬称

◎ 惠然 huìrán
[kindly] 顺心的样子
惠然莅临
惠然肯来(函柬用语,表示欢迎客人光临的言词)

◎ 惠允 huìyǔn
[be honoured to get your permission] 得到对方获准的敬称

◎ 惠泽 huìzé
[kindness] 惠爱与恩泽

◎ 惠州 Huìzhōu
[Huizhou] 广东省县级市及专区政府所在地。位于广东省中南部,在广州东120公里,面积419平方公里。是东江流域物资集散地



http://www.zdic.net/

王 WANG
wáng ㄨㄤˊ
◎ 古代一国君主的称号，现代有些国家仍用这种称号：王国。王法。公子王孙。王朝（cháo ）。
◎ 中国古代皇帝以下的最高爵位：王公。王侯。
◎ 一族或一类中的首领：山大王。蜂王。王牌（桥牌中最大的牌；喻最有力的人物或手段）。
◎ 大：王父（祖父）。王母（祖母）。
◎ 姓。

wàng ㄨㄤˋ
◎ 古代指统治者谓以仁义取得天下：王天下。王此大邦。
amir　　　great　　　king
◎ king, ruler; royal; surname



All my life I've been haunted, the search of my "identity" should come to a conclusion now.
- Is your surname 王(Wang) or 黃(Huang)?
- Is Hsiao-Hui your real name or your nickname?
- Why Sylvie? Hsiao-Hui is good, shows who you really are! (as if you know a fuck at all)


Yes, I do have a choice, and they do too.
bullshit me and i'll bullshit you back.

not me

What's put in front of me is the so-called "freedom of choice" - take it or leave it.
yet it's a choice almost - just almost - impossible to make
I hate what the system - suppose i'm part of - has put me through
but I also hate those who think they're better without going through all that
and "you don't have to pay 5-6000$ to do THAT!"
I'm so close, so close to accepting it and to make myself accepted
"why? why does even talking about it bring tears to your eyes?"
if, only if, you could see it from my perspective
something I've always wanted for life, my sole goal and possible ambition
"I have to do it" that's my compromised answer
doesn't it mean I AM part of the system because I firmly believe in what it may bring
and what it may alter
the reason why I've been resisting it
- You seem like a complete different person when you are around people who make art.
ok, because you're not part of it. you are not.
nor me.

Elam Open Days 2007

preview function fri 9/11/2007 @ 18h.
Lv2 Main Fine Arts Building
20 Whitaker Place

"Elam Open Days 2007 is an exceptional opportunity for the public to see the calibre of talent coming out of our School and to understand why Elam is renowned as the leading fine arts school in New Zealand," says Associate Professor Derrick Cherrie, Head of Elam, the National Institute of Creative Arts and Industries (NICAI). "Our Master of Fine Arts, Postgraduate Diploma and Bachelor of Fine Arts programmes provide the platform for academic and artistic development at all levels and the results, quite clearly, are outstanding."

Don't know whats gonna happen, might as well go and have a poke around. Well wth i just live across the road of course i'd have to be there. Would be gud to see all the Art... sorry... no one makes art around here... oops.. sorry... i should stop making dangerous statements. but who cares really i get nervous too easily and fok up everything. it's exactly the reason behind all my sorrows. yea right whatever, talking it up again.. but maybe that's who i really am - a big fat bluff so as to comfort my own insecurity... insecurity in what? being too happy, too optimistic, too naive, too passionate about life and therefore losing focus in the art of living.. sorry i used that word again.

anyway i just want to hind myself in my a-hole and constipate.



============
18h Thu 8/11/2007 GambiaCastle. Exhibition Opening: Stuart Sherman

18hFri 9/11/2007 ArtSpace. Exhibition Opening: Tom Kreisler

13h Sat 10/11/2007 GusFisher. Talk: Jonathan Gibb and Linda Tyler on Vernon Brown

15h Sat 10/11/2007 ArtSpace. Talk: Aaron Kreisler in response

18h Mon 12/11/2007 Elam Lecture Theatre. Kitty Anderson and Gavin Delahunty: Against Cultural Confinement. Easy Listening Monday 12th November

trailer: memories of tomorrow

渡邊謙 is really a good actor.

the person who posts this on youtube regards it as a "horrifying trailer" because hardly anyone can still be emotionally static after 5 minutes of "torture." And indeed I have my watery eyes all the way through. Perhaps partially because of my long hours starring at the computer screen too -- that's right, thanks to this bloody essay..

Yet I insist Auckland being a dull town

Packed, this student town towers up apartment buildings that divide the remaining sky. Through my paces the hostile hilly roads reveal the natural colours that've been overlooked. .. yea, as if I cared at all.

at work at last

I think of the typical scene as a middle-aged woman kneeing down on the floor working on a bucket of kimchi, or moi-chi, or just any kind of food...

The new term has started and I for some reason feel much revived at the beginning of this 2nd semester, perhaps the holiday has served me well. Yet this does not mean I am in any way happier about my my/research/project (if there is one). "Just have fun" and "Relax" are the 2 phrases that have come up again and again i conversations i have within peers. "How can i not?!" is usually the initiate o.s., now that i've thought about it again, i think what they are referring to is not my attitude, but my mind-set.

"從前有個人叫小蔡, 後來就被端走了.." - Is there anything wrong if you find this funny? I don't think so, it would only show what sort of age group and culture you belong to (vaguely). Then why can't people see it the same way with the so-called "pessimism" (that which i would rather refer to as "optimism"). Do you see the glass half-full or half-empty? Do you eat your favourite dish first or you leave it to finish last? How about, are you left- or right-hander? Most conventions based on statistics may demonstrate certain traces of tendency; they are, however, not crucial in general application. Someone who is never content is a pessimist because s/he does not realise what good s/he's already had? I say that s/he is an optimist because s/he sees the world as a better place to be and complains because s/he would like to change the dissatisfying situation.

"Well, Sylvie, you see that's how a creative person works.. Sometimes the work doesn't come out the way you'd like it to be, yet you just have to keep working..." Very encouraging though there's basically no logic in there. I guess the secret behind my mysterious motivation is that i've found people that i can actually talk to, and a more comfortable/suitable living environment -- though flashes of some good horoscope forecast has also come into mind -- LOL. My research 'for' the critical studies has helped me gain a better ground on understanding the ideology of theory and practice, though i still can't really get my head around practice. I don't deny that reading and analysing (and perhaps my inevitable generalising) have produced me such pleasure that somehow makes me believe that by doing all these, I could become a better being...

I have also developed some level of interest in looking at traditional paintings -- here i mean the representational oil paintings in Taiwan in the 40s-50s -- the sort of painting that I consider ugly and even phony depictions of taiwan. Yet looking back from now, I cannot ignore its historical and social significance. What I'd really like to find out more about is the post-war western art developments in taiwan (yea thanks for all the invasions), and perhaps its absence during that 3o years of martial law. There's so much material that's been dismissed within my personal research, and i've never thought this could have been of any interest cos "it's not me. "

You don't hear me, but you see me. Yes, I'll be around.

14/07/2007 Lucia di Lammermoor

Opera in three acts by Gaetano Donizetti
Libretto by Salvatore Cammarano, after Sir Walter Scott
Sung in Italian with English surtitles
With the Chapman Tripp Opera Chorus
Accompanied by the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra

Based on Sir Walter Scott's original novel, "The Bride of Lammermuir", Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor is one of the most exhilarating Italian operas of the 19th century. Set in the wild landscape of a Scotland split by blood-feuds, Lucia is a passionate story of star-crossed lovers - a tale of love and betrayal, desire and deception, blending the passion and intrigue of great drama with music of intensity and elegance.

Leading the cast is Elvira Fatykhova as Lucia, performing one of the greatest and most musically brilliant prima donna roles in the world of opera with its famous "mad scene" and offering a thrilling showcase for colourtura display. Lucia has been a signature role for many famous sopranos who have made it their own, including Dame Joan Sutherland and Maria Callas. Joining Miss Fatykhova will be Bulgarian tenor Yvan Momirov (Edgardo) and Welsh baritone Jason Howard (Enrico), along with New Zealand singers Jud Arthur, Carmel Carroll, Benjamin Fifita Makisi and Derek Hill.

Have you ever been to a live performance and think: wow, this is so great, so much better than staying at home listening to CDs. Yes, I have -- but certainly not this one!! I am no opera critic but i know the overall performance has not given me much thrill.

Lucia di Lammermoor is great probably because of its story background, yet there is not as strong a story line in the opera. Some scenes seem unnecessary and seem to be showcasing the coloratura sopranos. Fatykhova's voice was perfect for this role actually, flawless and sweet. I just didn't really enjoy the way she changed the tone of voice, sudden rises of voice that could have exploded your ear.. for some, it may be the essence of the whole opera experience.. but I thought she could have been smoother. My favourite piece in the opera is "Chi mi frena" where Edgardo sings calmly in desperation for Lucia's faithlessness. However, this phase did not live up to my expectation in the live performance: Momirov's voice was swallowed up by others' given that his voice was low to start with. I have to say, though, that Momirov was my favourite performer that evening: his clear and definite technique in handling the range of tones, lucid and lively body language et al... truly pleasant!!!! =)

Howard was one of the performaners that I enjoyed the least. Good vocal but no acting.
The orchestra was just ok, the solo sucked a bit. At least coordination was okay.
The hall was much better than Auckland Town Hall, what is the town hall for anyway?

Kamiyama Artist In Residence (KAIR) Program

Offers visual artists a residency in Kamiyama for a period of about 40 days in early autumn (September?)

Kamiyama? So I did a bit of research on it and found out its exact location: 日本国-四国島-徳島県-名西郡-神山町.. though still pretty confused... My geography is hopeless, all I see is this sushi party platter... Hmmm...

"art-i-japan.com" Survey for International Artists
http://art-i-japan.com/Questions.htm
... The "i" in "art-i-japan.com" stands for information, and eyes (eyes for the arts and the world). The sound "i" also means "love" in Japanese. We hope that "art-i-japan.com" can be a site to send our love to you, all the artists, and the world...

(got this link from Madame Seiko. Danke Seiko)

So when I was tryinf to fill in this questionnaire online the other day I got a bit stuck on the loving-Japan part... I mean.. even spending almost all of my life in the pacific rim, I know virtually nothing about this country... Or simply I am not an international artist!

I've actually never been interested in Japan, though supposedly every Taiwanese is to some degree Japanised -- the overwhelming influence before 1949 and media boom after 1987. Grandpa received Japanese education and witnessed the political turnover -- must had been a bit difficult I guess since I often heard his small complaints on the KMT party from time to time.

In any case I think I really should get to know Asian Art (things happening in Asia, artists from Asia, etc.) more, since in New Zealand, though geographically close, chances of seeing good Asian art are nearly impossible...

Auckland Art Fair

18-20 May 2007
Don't know exactly its significance
my say is that it has little
Yet who wouldn't want to be involved
If only its events and functions were
less pricey
120NZD entry to the elites' world
Perhaps I should just waitress there and see
what art they have to say and sell
the word 'vernissage' sounds
so much better than 'opening'
But
isn't it just an opening?


Vernissage is a French word that refers to the final flourishes made to a painting before public viewing. The word has evolved into a term which refers to the opening night of a significant art event. The Auckland Art Fair Vernissage gala party is just that."

- http://www.aucklandartfair.co.nz/functions.htm

whatever it is, it seems to have little to do with me
yet I still wish to go to the fair

Oui, nous allons tous deux
commencer une autre vie,
loin d'ici, sous d'autres cieux!

It’s been over 6 months since I moved back to New Zealand. According to most sayings, 6 months would do to get used to a place and to settle down a bit. I guess it’s true! I find little reason now to go overseas again, even though when I look at images or read news from Lyon I still think of a possible good life there… Not that I have gotten used to this place so much that I do not want to move, simply I’ve realised that there’s not much more than politics in this world that keeps every one of us apart. I should so fight it! I know I am not happy here – yet I know I wouldn’t be any happier elsewhere.

the same sky we live under,
same stars we see at nights..
different dreams we have

that lead us both
to a future of empty hearted.

5th week

In this ridiculous weather I travelled
To and for the booth and my cubical
Behind the mask I breathed faintly
Let the poisonous fluids corrode my fingertips
FOK
I needed more room

more time

and more cash

Le mieux du monde

Where is THE place to be?
"Things happen because you make them"

I have been having a bad week, so bad that my eyes are swollen and I keep feeling pain on various parts of my body. I think I am getting a fever – this is what I have been telling people when they see me looking fucked up and ask me what’s wrong.

I am growing my wisdom teeth (yes, plural) – and by putting ‘I’ as the subject of the active voice really is just a habitual way of description. If I could, I really wish to stop THEM growing somehow.

Get rid of them! Get rid of the things that you do not enjoy in life.
If life could be as simple as this – do something else if you don’t like what you are doing; leave when you get sick of the place.. How about this: Die! when you find no meaning in life.

Is it more about people, or places? I often wonder which make me happier. Neither. I’ve figured – it’s in me. Here I go again – my generalisation of everything – I thought I knew it all. Yet the enigmatic riddles of life and art are beyond my reach and thus I shall not even touch on them. They are the untouchable, the divine; and if I be in the horde, I shall be blessed.

Who really cares what you are doing here, in this exact place, this exact moment. We are all put into places, and we are all trying hard to fit in.

Move on.
I’m feeling hard to.

2nd home

How much time is too much time?

This is my place -- No, I don't own it.
"Visit me whenever you like,
I would always be happy to have you around. .."
Thus I have been given the access,
and I have been reluctant in coming around.

I am sick of it!
Often I cry out, but he does not respond.
Holding me in his arms he says to me
We are happy together
And there is nothing in the world can stop us.

Nothing.

Nothing excites me anymore.

4th week

So I have finally started painting -- priming, to be exact.

And they look rather nice. I quite like them.

Imagine if they were metres high,

walking amongest the panels would have been a thrill.

But be aware

that art works kill!!

Expo : Cont.Artists from China

Contemporary Artists From China
Cui Guotai, Danwen Xing, Feng Zhengjie, Frank Fu, Li Luming, Luo Brothers, Miao Xiaochun, Sheng Qui
9/02-3/03/2007 Gow Langsford Gallery


15/02/2007
Auckland can be depressing, I see artists of my age participating in ‘big’ events whereas I just shh around still not putting in much effort doing what I should be doing. Well, this is not a place to discuss WHAT I can do (for that the discussion would be far too long and lack of significant direction), I just want to write about something I saw and enjoyed.

“In Memory of Contemporary Art” by Frank Fu is probably the only piece worth seeing in this exhibition – and actually, you don’t even need to go into the gallery space to enjoy this piece – it’s an installation performance piece in the gallery window on Wellesley Street. http://www.gowlangsfordgallery.com/featured/contemporaryartistsfromchina/frankfu.asp
Well, I figured that the official documents are always useful when you need some back up info or simply when you are not in the mood to write. Another interesting fact, he is the only artist out of the eight who is Auckland-based, I guess there is certainly this cultural barrier in the presentation and appreciation of art/Art that attracts me to his work.

Would like to continue this writing if I get the chance to talk to the artist himself, chances are probably pretty high, I imagine.

Grosse in TFAM

22/02/2007
University of Auckland is having its orientation week to welcome new as well as returning students, and I am so supposed to go – having said that, it’s not hard to work out that I have been lazy. It’s a disease; I am now sommeil-some.

There are so many tasks to do in my diary that make me feel like I have been having a LIFE. Quite to the contrary, I have been losing it, so much of it. Ask me how my life has been, ‘nothing’ is most likely the response you would get. Or, “I have been browsing through the university website and wondering what I could do to master intellects-at-work.” Even though I could easily book a course online and go to the orientation lectures, I feel it’s against my anti-social nature and I’d rather stay truthful.

Talked to Shirly last night about the general arty-farty issues. He pointed out that the problems I thought I was facing were merely the tip of an ice-berg in any society, whereas the art circles in Taipei/Asia would have to deal with more media-related and political subjects. Having him as a connection to the Taipei artworld somehow makes me feel at ease – like, yea, I am not totally disconnected, however distant the relationship I seem to have with the New Zealand art scene. What is Art? What does it have to do with me? Does it make me happy? And what is the point in thinking that I am related in the circle at all? “Knowing the inner-workings of the circle, you just have to be them to beat them!”

If I had stayed in Taiwan long enough I would have been able to for once see Grosse’s work and feel great. I am no artist as to having the authority in judging what good or bad art is, yet I know what sort of art pleases me and the pleasure I get from seeing the works by my preferred artists is simply a feast – a feast I can hardly get being in New Zealand.
http://www.katharinagrosse.com/work.php?id=865&cat=Taipei+Fine+Arts+Museum

All that depression should soon vanish when I start doing some art – if i ever would.

Hiromi TANGO

Hiromi Tango
3/02/2007 13h10 The Gus Fisher Gallery

I saw her;
I met her;
I watched her;
But how should I describe her?

“I am a very serious person, Art is a life or death matter to me – I might be killed during my performances/projects, but one of YOU can continue…”
I can’t recall just exactly how many times she repeatedly put emphasis on her loyalty and commitment to Art, while at the same time could not justify what relation did her personal life has to do with Art and with the society as a whole. “It is communication..” a voice inside of me suggested “..and so?” in absurd denial I rejected the thought.

I needed more, this could not satisfy me!

“I don’t understand why whenever you talk about Art you have to place yourself so much higher than most others, as if you think you were better than everyone else!” Aurélien exclaimed after I expressed my opinion about the lack of information during the talk.

“You often say that you observe people, but did you see how you broke her when you asked her the question?” Where ‘the question’ referred to my “What use is communication?” to Hiromi, but what other question can be simpler than this?

“Hope.” After a few seconds of uneasiness she replied promptly.

I sensed self-protection and the general over-glorification of Art. And so I stopped – instead of reading into her practices, I should care more about mine. I may have embarked on the same route but I have abandoned the path in search for a greater proportion of objectivity in one’s practices.

What use is communication, I ask myself.

True living works of art, too many of them make me sick.
It is Community after all.

Is it Community after all?
I don’t know. I really don’t.

Maybe when I have the ability to burn my everyday life on DVDs and present them in some kind of festival, I would be able to testify my own ‘pessimistic’ statement.


13/02/2007 SH 1023

Il m'a dit

In the air I smell
your scent in which I immerse
Words like syrup
my thirsty soul they infuse
Tips of your fingers
all over my body they caress
O mon cher n'oublie pas jamais
que personne avant toi
ne m'avait procuré un tel bonheur
que c'était toi qui
m'avait montré la joie d'amour

Mais sans raison je pleure
Je te regarde et je me demande
Y-t-il quelqu'un d'autre que toi
pourrait aussi profoundément trembler mon âme
However doubtful I remain
unexpectedly he walks in
For a million reasons it feels so right
Sincerely devoted my nature abides
in this tremendous pleasure I cherish

Ça devait arriver, you said coldly
Tears pronounced the death of love
I stabbed myself to hurt you
Hurt you so that you would not persist
in the void of hope that I myself despaired
回憶最美 they always say
Quand on aime une fois on aime pour toujours
... Rêve de moi de toi et moi
Nostalgically I recall
in a lost paradise where you and I
once lived for a good old
happily-eva-afta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where I'd rather be...

"I thought I had been coping it well,
I thought everything had been okay..."

That night I saw no stars
the world was lit by the candles
placed outside of each
and every window of the residence

Hearts contented
radiant smiles awakened
my long confused soul

"Let's go for a walk.."
I suggested
"Sure, where to?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

I hate my job
I so hate my fucking job

Idiots in this world
who degrade others
only to have their pathetic
perverted

PLEASURE

"Hey... fish and lamb are on halfs please"
"Haven't you called that before?"
"O have I?"
"Don't call them halfs, they are ON HALF"
"OK, ON HALF PLEASE"

"Um.. fish, lamb, chicken and venison.. they are all on half"
"Hey guess what? They are all finished out there so I am not replacing anything!"
"Right, just to let you know though. Do what you like."

I don't know what I am doing.. I don't know what I have been doing.. and what fuck I've done!! I miss France, I miss it so much. Well, ask me why and I'd tell you that NO, France is not the best place on earth, but that the times I spent there has so far been my most lonesome experience -- I had an on-the-surface respectful job, enjoyed an on-the-surface cultural exchange, made a few on-the-surface friends.. Do I like loneliness? Shall thy be void, life would have thy fulfilled.

The only way to stop meeting someone you like right before you leave is to STAY. I thought I had no reason, again and again I ignored myself. "Women are irrational creatures.." little did I know was my absurdity cut us deeply and had us seperated.. "whatever you do you 'll still be my little Hsiao hui for ever" he said.

Selfish but I liked it.

I am sorry but this time I do want to make it happen, I do not want to lose myself again. I see the chance and I want to seize it -- even though happiness is so short-lived, even just for a fraction of a moment... I hear it -- a voice speaks of my undeniable will, it tells me to go for a ride, an adventurous ride. And hold on, just try to hold on, the road will lead me there...

Way up there!.
.
.
.
CLIMAX
.
.
.
Therefore I am happy
and therefore I am also nervous
There with you I go
where ever it may be.
Ask me
just ask me and I would say yes.

then I'd have you waiting
for a hundred years max.

LOL

*

work to live, live to love.

For those who have been wondering how I've been doing with my new job, here is the update: I started this job on the 1st of November 2006, didn't really like it at first. In fact, it was a mixture of love and hatred (like all of the other things in my life) -- I was pretty pleased to be able to be a part of this big company, in one of the leading cooperation in the hospitality/entertainment industry (certainly the biggest in Christchurch I believe)... yea, blah blah.. Waitressing IS waitressing, there's nothing glorious about it. You take shit, you work hard, then you take shit... etc. and etc. Despite all, I cannot deny the boost to my social life a good and positive influence, and I DO enjoy the outcome of this influence -- which I call "happiness".

A good realisation: There are men in Christchurch! Though most of them are not that fun, some even boring (yea yea yea, I know I know, they would have thought I was boring for sure!) Well, my world really is quite simple, and similar to most others, I put people in boxes -- some I consider attractive, some I think are okay; some I don't mind hanging out with, some I don't even want to speak to... some I only have them to kill time.. Yet with so much time to kill, I'm short of some serious fun.. Yes, I am serious!

I think I need to have a second job, or do some kind of art. When I have a day off I want to go out, for that I keep having flashbacks of the times I spent in France once I have nothing to do.. And gosh, it doesn't feel good. Sometimes I do wonder whether I've made a mistake in coming back to Christchurch, esp. when most people gasp in amazement when they find out how long I've been in New Zealand.. I mean... COME ON!! It's okay for a white boy/girl to be living here all his/her life, but it's NOT okay for an Asian to be here for 8 years?? Whatever, this is not the point.. I plan to leave New Zealand again in the year 2008-2009... O yea, this would be something nice to mention in the interview at the Elam School of FARTS: I have no plans relating to my artistic practices, I have no idea what I want to do with my Art, in fact I don't even try to make Art... I just want to leave Christchurch and fuck-all, studying towards getting that extra piece of paper would just make me feel that tiny bit superior and fulfilled. YEA RIGHT.

"Everyone can participate in the art world. Most people have had the ball, but have dropped it."

- Jeff KOONS

So we have Zoë the happy wife and teacher; Marty the drunken animal; Michael the ESOL teacher would be; Frances the Fishers Fine Arts best girl; Lee the video cleaner (or the self-destructive artbasher)... yet we also have Min-Jung doing really well on the other end of the sphere in the Korean art world; Bevan painting where ever he goes; Caroline studying towards her whatever arty stuff and potentially going to be influential some day... Never heard from Dave after art school aye... and me? I daydream to become a traveller.

"And you know what travellers do?!?"
"O hell yea! I DO!"

My tickets to Auckland set me off from Christchurch in the morning of 29th, arriving there fairly early so I can have a shower and get dressed for the interview sometime in the afternoon.. LOL.. There would be a slight possibility that I would be totally pissed from the staff Christmas party the evening before, but it'd be all good. All good, I'm glad that I would be visiting some "people on-the-go" in this petit voyage.

Why am I single? Because no one plays with me.

I've developed a slight bulimarexia and I don't know if I like it. It's like some people have a cup of tea or coffee at the end of their meal, I however have a good vomit. FUCK! I hate this!! And the fact that I cannot control it makes me feel pretty pathetic. When I work it's okay, when I'm at home it's out of control -- that's why I don't like staying at home. Good thing is this has not become a habit, I can fight it.. I can stop crap coming outta my mouth!

Photo courtesy of Michelle

Some of my workmates from Bubble Cup, pretty much everyone is leaving this shit hole except me. You know why? Notice our difference? I have the smallest nose! I am not ambitious, just a horny b-atch, says Lee. LOL

Right, going to work SOON, though I don't think I've written enough.

the truth is...

Carmen
Non! tu ne m'aimes pas!

Don José
Que dis-tu?

Carmen
Non! tu ne m'aimes pas!
Non!
Car si tu m'aimais,
là-bas, là-bas tu me suivrais!

Oui! Là-bas, là-bas
dans la montagne!

là-bas, là-bas tu me suivrais!
Sur ton cheval tu me prendrais,
et comme un brave à travers la campagne,
en croupe, tu m'emporterais!
Là-bas, là-bas dans la montagne,
là-bas, là-bas tu me suivrais!
tu me suivrais, si tu m'aimais!
Tu n'y dépendrais de personne;
point d'officier à qui tu doives obéir,
et point de retraite qui sonne
pour dire à l'amoureux qu'il est temps de partir!
Le ciel ouvert, la vie errante,
pour pays tout l'univers, et pour loi ta volonté!
Et surtout la chose enivrante:
la liberté! la liberté!

José
Mon Dieu!

..
....

(José s'arrachant brusquement des bras de Carmen)
Non! je ne veux plus t'écouter!
Quitter mon drapeau...
déserter...C'est la honte...
c'est l'infamie!...
Je n'en veux pas!

Carmen(durement)
Eh bien! pars!

José(suppliant)
Carmen, je t'en prie!

Carmen
Non! je ne t'aime plus!

José
écoute!

Carmen
Va! je te hais!

José
Carmen!

Carmen
adieu! mais adieu pour jamais!

José(avec douleur)
Eh bien! soit! adieu!
adieu pour jamais!

Carmen
Va-t-en!

José
Carmen! adieu!
adieu pour jamais!

Carmen
Adieu!


An extract from the opera Carmen. Very beautifually written the libretto.
José is no doubt a loser, but Carmen is the one who pays her life for love.
自由與愛情, 當然我能兩得!